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In My Opurrnyon
by Buddee Gill
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Yo Tomz!
As it is March and lotsa nipz will be drunk in honor of dat famous Saint Patrick, I wanna bring to mew attenshun a couple of tings!
Furst, a certain tomz, who fur safety reesons must remain anonnymouse, haz told me dat his sifurs cannot hold dere nipz at all.
Shocking scenez of dem lieing in dere bowlz sleeping after consuming some nipz. Juss showz dat duh gurlz cannot holdz dere nipz at all and shuld leev it alone, let duh tomz do duh nipzing, while dey manicure dere nailz!
Secondly, now as yew will awl be purrtakeing of plenty of nipz here are a some shore fire ways of ridding yewself of dat awful hangoffer.
1. Duh hair of duh cat dat bit yew! - Go immediately offer to Paddy's, if yew managed to leev in duh furst purrlace, and haf more nipz! Diz is duh best way to cure a hangoffer and also helpz to build up duh immune system fur future nipz drinking!
2. Diz one is hard to take but it doze wurk, drink water! Lots of it! Yez, I noses mew tummiez will revolt at furst imbibing diz foreign substance but if youse needz a furry clear head, diz is duh one to try! Of course, as soon as possible, do drink nipz to put duh insidez back to normal!
3. Prairie oysters are not a bad way to cure a hangover. Take on oyster (natural) and mix wif a dash of Tabasco or Worstershire Sauce and fill glass wif Tomato juice. Youse getz lotsa of vitamins diz way and duh sauces make yew dump a lot!
4. If youse so nipz yew are incapable of anyfing or thought at all - sleep and sleep some more, yew may juss be able to sleep through yew hangover!
KEEP MEW SPIRITZ UP TOMZ! HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!
TOMZ RULE GURLZ DROOL!
Cheerz,
Buddee,
Kolumnist Extraordinaire!
Dis beez my furryown tomzrule® banner design that inspurrz moi!
Previous Kolumns:
February 2003: What Gurls Want fur Valentine's Day
January 2003: Coping With December Holidays
November 2002: Living With D*gs
Sept 2002: Deere Buddee, I haf trubble keeping duh hooman slaves in line. Kan mew gif me sum tipz?
June 2002: Deere Buddee, mize sisfur comeds and hitteds mees tills I'se getteds out of da chair and den shees getteds on da chair and sez dat it bees hers. Watt cans I'se duz bouts dis?
May 2002: Deere Buddee, my sisfur iz dancin arown and mewing "Nosey Parker's gettin sooed guddie, guddie, guddie" I wunderz wheffur it wood be rude to bite her or if swatting her iz enuff.
and
Deere Buddee, I iz shocked an outrajed dat NP iz bean sood fur haffin a playce fur us tomz tew go when our sisfurs say "Git outta my site!" I iz catfused, too. What iz a tort law? How iz it diffrunt from a torte cake or a tortie cat?
April 2002: Deere Buddee, Itz bad enuff haffing to ride in duh kar to go to duh v*t, but my meowmie sez dat she iz gonna drive akross duh kuntry wif me in duh kar. How kin I diskourage dis crewelty?
March 2002: Deere Buddee, Evfurrytime I claimz my rite to sleep on duh sunny window sill, my bratty sisfur goez whining to Meowmie and I gitz in trubble. What kin I du?
Albeit pawing his kolumn Down Under, Kolumnist Buddee Gill's fine werk haz knot eggskaped duh attention of Queen Bitsy herseff who haz awarded him dis most purrstigious award fur journalistik eggsulunch. The Caterwaul Chronicle concatulatez duh Budster on ernin diz award.
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Backgrounds from Bitsy's Boutique.
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