Yo Tomz!

Furst, hope yewz all had a furry Merry Christmouse and a grand time Mew Yearz Eve! Lotsa fesstivities happening offer duh "Silly Season" and in ma opynnyon most are juss dat - silly!!!!!! I mean to say, what self-respekting cat wuld wear a red sute and climb down a dusty dirty chimney!!!!! Seemz duh hoominz are not as kleen or partikular in dere purrsonal hygene areas as we catz are!

Den dere is duh matter of doze purrty shiny tings dat dey drag out each yere! Now, I am shore dat yew all haf tried out dese annual toyz and found dat duh hoominz do not allowz yew to purrlay wif dem, wat is duh point of hafing toyz and NOT purrlaying wif dem. Oh and we must not furget duh tree, dey finally purrvide yew wif an indoor climbing appurratus and den get all hissy and tissy when yewz showz appurreciashun and yew climbing prowess by climbing to duh top. On reeching duh top, dat iz when yew show yewz reel bravery too, coz dey nefer seemz to stablize it enuff and yewz haf to hang on fur one of yewz nine lives as it topplez offer! Honestly, I tink dat duh number of timez dey put it up dey culd at least learn how to make it safe and sekure! Sum of dem haf vast eggperience in diz matter offer meny yerez!!! Purrsentz, well we all luff to get purrsents, so why all duh fuzz when we wantz to noses wat is in effuryone elses purrsent and why while we are on dat subject,why do dey boffer wif all dat paper and ribbon stuff, if yewz is not allowed to shred it and purrlay wif it! After all, a gud sniff arround alwayz letz yew noses wat iz in duh parsel

Food! Great amountz of effurt iz put into purrparing duh Christmas Feest but yewz try to lend a paw or two and duh hoominz get efen tissier dan normal when yewz triez to show dem dat all dat fuss is not nessary, all dey needz to do is haul duh Turkey onto duh floor, putz dere paw on it and start munching away. Efen duh pups here agreez wif me, dat dozen't happen offten, dat duh hoominz exhaust demselves instead of juss purrlain enjoying duh foodz! Den yewz haf to listen to duh 'natural noises' which emminate frum some of dem, a clearz indication dat dey haf over-indulged and yewz noses of course wat is coming next - duh 'post Christmouse diet' which I wuldn't mind if dey restricted to demselves BUT dey start eyeing off yewz wasteline and mutter dat yewz too seemz to hafe over-indulged too! Dayz, weekz of beeing limited to 'Speshal Diet Food' alwayz seemz to follow!

Befur yewz all tink I dontz like duh Silly Season, I must put duh rekord strait and say dat I LUFF it and alwayz haf emmense funz but I do tink dat duh hoominz reely needz to take speshal training sesshuns to enshore dat dey too haf a gud timez and understand it all frum a Catz Indupurrtably More Sensible Point of View!

Cheerio fur Now
Buddee Kolomnist Extraordinaire! *burp* *nic* *f**t* *burrrrrrrrrrrp* pardon moi!

Dis beez my furryown tomzrule® banner design that inspurrz moi!

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Previous Kolumns:

November 2002:   Living With D*gs

Sept 2002:   Deere Buddee, I haf trubble keeping duh hooman slaves in line. Kan mew gif me sum tipz?
June 2002:   Deere Buddee, mize sisfur comeds and hitteds mees tills I'se getteds out of da chair and den shees getteds on da chair and sez dat it bees hers. Watt cans I'se duz bouts dis?
May 2002:   Deere Buddee, my sisfur iz dancin arown and mewing "Nosey Parker's gettin sooed guddie, guddie, guddie" I wunderz wheffur it wood be rude to bite her or if swatting her iz enuff.
and
Deere Buddee, I iz shocked an outrajed dat NP iz bean sood fur haffin a playce fur us tomz tew go when our sisfurs say "Git outta my site!" I iz catfused, too. What iz a tort law? How iz it diffrunt from a torte cake or a tortie cat?
April 2002:   Deere Buddee, Itz bad enuff haffing to ride in duh kar to go to duh v*t, but my meowmie sez dat she iz gonna drive akross duh kuntry wif me in duh kar. How kin I diskourage dis crewelty?
March 2002:   Deere Buddee, Evfurrytime I claimz my rite to sleep on duh sunny window sill, my bratty sisfur goez whining to Meowmie and I gitz in trubble. What kin I du?

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Albeit pawing his kolumn Down Under, Kolumnist Buddee Gill's fine werk haz knot eggskaped duh attention of Queen Bitsy herseff who haz awarded him dis most purrstigious award fur journalistik eggsulunch. The Caterwaul Chronicle concatulatez duh Budster on ernin diz award.

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