One ting in partikular has come to my notice and that some of yew are hafing purrblems with sisfurs who running crying dere spoilt little eyes out to Meowmie anytime yews try to assert yews just and lawful rightz as a Tomz. I haf a few tipz here on how to deal wif this purrblem which I haf found most effective!

Furst, if any of duh hoomans are looking, yez efen duh male hoomans are known to take the sisfur's side, traiterous critters dat dey are, DO NOT, repeat DO NOT attempt any form of assertive behaviour, yew will haf to swallow yewz purride and jess stay real calm, no needz to cower or anyfing, unless of course yewz feelz yewz can do dis without loosing face (sometimez duh humanz feel so sorry fur yewz they take yewz side) but dis may not be fur effury Tomz, if yewz is not one to "cower" den I suggest yewz stay real calm and aloof PASHUNTS is dah word here, yewz haf to be PASHUNT and WAIT yewz oppurrtunatity!

Wait till duh little sisfur is well out of site of duh hoomans den purrpare yewselz, find a spot which looks furry cosy and curl up asleep, now remefer yewz is only purrtending to be asleep no use acktually going to sleep coz den yewz koudn't get dat sisfur!!!!!!! When she appears, which she will coz SHE is bound to want yewz comfury spot DEN YEWZ WOPS HER ONE, any purrlace yewz can reach and DIS IS IMPUURTANT YEW MUST INSTANTLY RESUME YEWZ SLEEPING CATTITUDE and remain dat way, coz she's gonna go flying screaming to duh hoomans telling tales bout yew, dat yewz can count on!

Whenz duh hoomanz comez lookin' fur yew, yew must and dis is furry important YEWZ MUST SEEM ASLEEP, now yewz haf to act a little, stirr in yewz normal manner when awoken suddenly, look at duh hoomans as yewz would normally do and den duh hoomans tink yewz haf been asleep all along, don't add any trimmings or fancy bitz at all, just "be yew normal self" and whateffer yewz do do NOT looks guilty! Diz method is furry effective as duh hoomans may juss suspect yewz but dey dontz haf duh PROOF!

If yewz are unlucky enuff to haf a sisfur who fights back befur running to duh hoomans, den yewz may haf to swallow duh ol' pride and run FURST squealing to dem, dis works well as duh hoomanz do not expect dere big brave tomz to squeal so dey tinks somefing muss be furry wrong if yewz squeal a lot and shake a paw or somefing to letz dem nose yewz is hurt!

I found dis was furry effective, yes I confess, I haf used it too to teach my sisfur who is duh boss in dis household, coz I normally fightz wif any catz who trys to upset me, specially Charlie, who tinks he is Lord of duh Neighbourhood, more on how to "deal wif duh Charlies" later. So duh hoomans felt sorry fur me, coz dey went into duh "diddums" routine but I can handly dat as it also means lotsa treats too, of duh food variety!!!!!!!!

In closing fellow Tomz, rememfur I am here fur yew, so don't be empurrassed to write in to buddee1@OptusNET.com.au and ask fur advice on any subject which is boffering yewz and a confidenshal answer will be purrblished in duh Caterwaul!