Diss shows how macho Royal iss. He jes jumped rite in whin he saw somefing at home dat needed fixin an he fixed it. Hir is what Royal rote:

“Heres is da picfur of meeze washings da car. I’se is polishing da front bumbfers and mize furrend da Grey bees butts-wipin da hood of da car. Da Lucy nots in dis picfur cuz likeds da typsical gurl cat she jes sit rounds alls daze eaten da treats and watching da ofurah on da TV.”

Royal iss won macho tom. See how he gots hiz furrend to hep him out. He nose dat washin da car iss a big job and iff’n he gets hep den dey cin sneaks off to da Pub after dey’re done – ofurrwize he wud be washin dat car all day long. I espeshully likes da attenshun to detail dat Royal displade by polishin da bumbfers so dere won’t be no water spots an getting his furrend to do da butts wiping. Gud job, Royal!

Now I hass only won suggeshtun. See, whin youse be helping da farfur, youse wants to be shur dat youse gits praze an rewards afterwurdz. Efurry tom wantz hiz hard werk to be prazed furefur an efur. So wot I suggests iss dat yew sign yore werk. Efurry gud artists alla time signs dere werk an purrsonally, I tink Royal an Grey’s car washin’ iss a werk of art, don’t yew? In dis kase I wud rekommend dat whin yew washes yore car dat yew bees shur an sign yur werk wif scratches on da hood where dey can be kleerly seen by efurrywon. An don’t furgit to spray da shiny wheels rite away so’s efurrywon nose dat da car iss yur purrsonal propurrty.

Sam da Man wuz awarded dis most purrstigious award fur journalistik eggsulunch by duh redoubtable Queen Bitsy hersef. The Caterwaul Chronicle iz purroud tew haf had such uh dishtingished kolumnist riting fur dis mewspaper.

Sam da Man is now at the Rainbow Bridge. We all miss this inspurrayshunul tom and are grateful fur his literary legacy.