Some ov youse awredee nose how Simba luffs to hepp da fafur wif handycat purrjekts. Dey alla time goin to Home Depot too! Reed watt Simba sez bout he an his fafur’s latest purrjekt:

Simba Supurrfisin’ da Woodwerkin

“Hir I am helpin' my fafur on a woodworkin' purroject. As you can see, I am purrty much tellin' him what ta do and makin' sure he is doin' it correctly! Fafur and I are makin' a drawer front fur our work bench dats in da garage. In dis drawer we keep all our cool tools dat we buyz from da Home Depot to do our many purrojects!”

Notice how macho dis tom bees. He knot afurade ov nuffin – efun a noizie power tool! We all nose watt da gurlz wood bee doin when dat ting started buzzsing, now don’t we? Ha! Dey bee runnin strate fur da memowmie cryin an whining bout how noisee and skeeree dat drill bees. Knot a troo tom likes Simba dough. He jes gits hisseff rite down nekst to dat drill and makes shur da fafur bee drillin in da rite plase. Hard telling how da fafur wood mess tings up wifowt Simba’s hepp!

Booger da Packer/Mover

Efurrywon nose how hard it beez too move! Booger, anofur orange tom, was furry heppfur by hepping da meowmie put alla her stuff in da boxes furst and den he efun hepped her mofe dem two! Booger’s farfur has a speshul name fur watt iss in da boxes, but he sez he can’t yuse da werd, so we’s jest hafta yuse ower imajinashuns hir.

Won suggeshtun I haf whin youse beez heppin da meowmie pack stuff into boxes bee dis: Make shur dat alla da packin material beez spred all ofur da rum. It bees hard enuff packin’ stuff in boxes wifout hafin too luk fur da packin’ peanuts an paperz. Youse kan spred most ov it on da floor, but it beez gud to haff sum on da sofa an a chairs or two. Dis way, da meowmie can eesilee find da packin’ materiul cuz she won’t hafta bees lukin all ofur fur it. Da nekst impurrtant fing bees too makes shur an shred da paperz as much as yew possiblie kan sew it bees ezee fur da meowmie to rap it arownd her speshul fings. She wood bees gratefur fur yore hepp, I nose.

Da Belcher In Akshun

It jes sew happens dat mize belchin bud, KeeKee, has agreed too share sum ov his sekrets wif us. Boy, kan dis guy belch. He busted da meowmie’s puter won day wif a belch sew loud dat I’z hurd it alla way frum Catifurnia too mize house in Washingtun. Da windowz shaked an efurryfing. Dat belch sownd like dis: “Brrrrreeeooowwwww rip rip.”

Suma youse mite awready nose dat Keek’s most impurrtant job beez purtektin da toyz, sew I’z lets him tell youse alla bout hiz job.

KeeKee Checkin out da Toyz

“Da mose impurtant fing I duz is to makes shure all da toys is ware dey is appose to bees. I supfurfises da toy arranging furm up here. If it wuzn't fur me, dey wud all be in da toyz box alla time. I takes dem out and puts dem ware dey shud bees. Sum haff to bees in efury rume to keep fings normal around here.”

KeeKee Decidin Best Arrangement

“I puts speshul ones in da baffroom so I ken purrlays wiff dem wen my meowmie and farfur in dere wiff me. Sumtimes meowmie and farfur trips on my toys and says fings dat I is not allowed to say, den I noze I is doing my job. I fink dat meowmie and farfur is furry purroud a how wells I duz my job; cuz dey alla time piks up toys, jes so I ken puts dem back ware I wants dem.”

KeeKee Ressling Toy Trying to Get Away

Tomz, yew kan kleerly see how hardsly werkin Keek bees. Butt kan yew sees how strong yew must bee to keep kontrol ov da sitchuashun?

Dis pikshure showz Keek strugglin wif a toy dat bees tryin to git away. Butt if yew lets dat happen, den youse ends up hafin to chase it all ofur da house. Youse must bee furry alurt at all timez whin roundin up da toyz sew dey duzun’t git aweigh frum youse.

I’s wood definutly rekommend dat befor youse starts dis job, yew needz too sharpen yore claws furst. I’s haf found dat da lifing rum sofa bee da best plaice too dew da sharpenin iff youse wants a nice, sharp poynt wif no ruff spots.

As youse kan sea, it beez hard werk inspektin da lokashun ov toyz, decidin where to put da toyz, and den keeping dem where dey suppose to bee! Butt Keek, orange tom dat he bees, duz a furry gud job fur da meowmie an farfur.

Tomz, I hopes youse kan rememfur all da gud tips our felloe orange tomz has so genurussly shared hir. If youse has enny kweshtuns, we’z all bee at da Pub tonite. KeeKee has efun put hiz Catillac at da disposal of enny tom who needs transpurtashun, sew jes leaf a messige at da boyz bored if’n yew needs a ride.

Credits: (I gitted da fraze “hardsly werkin” frum Bentley. Hehe)

Sam da Man wuz awarded dis most purrstigious award fur journalistik eggsulunch by duh redoubtable Queen Bitsy hersef. The Caterwaul Chronicle iz purroud tew haf had such uh dishtingished kolumnist riting fur dis mewspaper.

Sam da Man is now at the Rainbow Bridge. We all miss this inspurrayshunul tom and are grateful fur his literary legacy.