Anonymous:   What is da sound of one paw clapping? And who cares?

Ghost Kitty:   The sound of one paw clapping is the sound of a cat walking on velvet, the sound of a kitten opening its eyes, and the sound of a gurl kitty giving mew a haid bonk.

And I don't know about mew, but all of these sounds are music to mine ears.

Mascot Chuck:   Fweya ith alla time thnoopin' on me. Thee pokes her head down into MY burrow an watches an watches me. Fweya even peeks when I haff company. I bet dat Fweya tells her gurl frens effurything too !!! We boys cud get in big trouble. How ken I keep Fweya frum poking her big noseth into my life?

Ghost Kitty:   Ahhh Chuck, my little grasshopper. There are many nonirresistable forces in nature, I will tell mew how to implement the "non irresistable force of asking for it".

Step one: Relocate your burrow to the home of a he-cow (not to be catfused with a he-cup, he-cows habe big horns, he-cups do not). Be sure Freya sees where mew moved to.

Step two: Catch her sleeping, and paint a bright red circle just below her tail (caution, Ghost Kitty can not be held accountable if you are so clusmsy as to awaken her.)

Step three: When she awakens, immediately go down into mewere burrow — and enjoy da scene, as she experiences the consequences of da "nonirrestable force of asking for it".

Amos and Andy:   Dere beez diz funny luking blak & whyte kitty en ar backyerd at nite dat waddlez around. Effury wonce an a whylz we'f smelt hiz fartz & dey beez FURRY strawng. Duz G.K. noze a weigh we kud bottle sum of hiz fartz tu uze on da dum gurlz dat boffurs us tomz?

Ghost Kitty:   I seez a mysteriouz prezence in mine crystal ball, (mwe willz call him "Peppy Le Pew"), him sayz, "Ahhhhhhhhh, my leetle Peeginz, da power of zee fartz iz not fur zee ameteurz. Purtectz mewselfz and eexpect a deefucult task. Uze zee tupperware but do notz do zee burp."

Jordan:   How I getz de door open to dis back bedroom when Mommy wants me stay in here jess cuz I jumps on my sisfurs?

Ghost Kitty:   Lift mewself to a higher level and remember da Circle of Life. Da handle goes round like a well oiled wheel.

Ernie:   Deer Ghost Kitty, How can I gets my sisfur in trouble an not let my meowmie know it beez me?? Hers gets me in trouble all da thyme.

Ghost Kitty:   Catsider da laws of cause and effect. Cause mewself to caugh up a huge wet hairball in front of mew sisfur den effectively get mew meowmie to step in it.

Fernando:   Deer Ghost Kitty: Cud yous rites me a little love pome dat I cud use to influationalize a gurl kitty dat I knows? Nuthin witt any commits, juss sumthin to turn her hed in my direction a little?

Ghost Kitty:   Yez.

As da beauty of a rose unfolds
   it just cannot catpare
to what I see wiffin mewer eyes
   sweet maiden, young and fair.

KeeKee:   Mewsss GK.... How ken I blames my fartz on Sara? She alla times jess sit dere luks cute; wen, trufe be node, she do make sum a da fartz!

Ghost Kitty:   Partz is Partz and farts is fartz. Cut one when mew see her coming, wait untill her walks into da cloud, den run away. "She with da stink is stuck."

KeeKee:   I wuds like to ask da ghost kitty iffen meowmie gonna finds out who clawed up da woodwork around da baffroom door?

Ghost Kitty:   Withdraw and conceal mewself. Deal wiff da situashun from a distance. Da surrounding circumstances may not be favorable; dere beez a bad moon rising.

Fox, Spud, and Mercury:   Dear ghost kitty, why do gurl kitties beez so nasty and snotty some timez?

Ghost Kitty:   Mew must catsider da masculine-positive force, and da feminime-negative force. Da yin and da yang. Also da ting, tang walla-walla bing bang.

Wicked Twins:   Yo, ghost kitty. When Hadarah drops turdz all ober da house, how do Iz keep meowmie furom fingking itz wun of us?

Ghost Kitty:   Do not fret, Twinz. She will know it is Hadarah by da "shape" of fingks to come.