Hir dey bees – Sami Sam on da left an Oscar on da rite. Dese boyz werk hard konstantlee becuz da meowmie bees a nursie an she alla times werk, werk, werk! Iff’n dey wans enny dinnur at awl, dey hasta set da table dere ownsef cuz da meowmie shur ain’t home to dew it.

Now two da kashual obsurfer, it mite luk likes dese tomz jes bee nappin, butt in reealitie, dey bees takin a litter breafer becuz dey bees eggsawsted aftur kleenin an polishin da table jes sew dey kan haf dinnur! Dat’s knot awl neifur. Yew mite fink dey wood rest when dey haz da chans, butt no! Sea, dey are knot relee restin – dey is refreshin dere ownseffs by gazin at der reflekshun in da table dey jes polished an pondureen da uniferse.

Notice how keerfully dey praktis da feng shui principulz by hafin efurryfing in purrfekt balanse off to won side. Dez tomz dew knot likes klutter! Now iff’n dey kome too mize howse dey wood git all nerffus becuz da meowmie don’t know nuffin bowt da feng shui. She jes putt stuff ennywher dre bees rume. She donte efun git upsetted whin my sisfurs an me haz toyz all ofur da plaice. Oscar an Sami wood go crazee at mize howse.

Efun dough dey donte likes klutter, dey still bees macho. Dey fits rite in mize werkshop cuz dey likes da toolz an sawdust an stuff. Sides, wif all mize handycat purrjekts, sumtimez I needs hepp an dey moar den hapee to lend a paw.

Hir, Oscar bees teechin Sami how too git owtside sew iff’n da meowmie werk late, (like she alla times dewin) dey wonte starf too deaf becuz dey kan go ketch der own dinnur. Dey likes eatin owt becuz den dey don’t hafta polish da table an Oscar gits owt of washin da dishes!

Oscar Washing Dishes

Oscar yoosed to knot likes da dishwashing, butt efur sense he figgered owt how much fud bees on doze plates, he deesided it knot sew bad aftur awl. Koarse he kerfurry liks all da dishes off furst sew dey komes owt nice an kleen frum da dishwasher. Da bestus part bees putting da dishes in an knot takin dem owt. Sumtimez he jes dew ofur fings an den jes befor da meowmie kome home, dat bees whin he herriez up an emptiez da dishwasher an putts da dishes aweigh sew it luks like he ben werkin hard awl day. He bees won smart tom!

Sami Sam Guardcatting

Sami Sam takes da guardcatting dootie furry sirriusly as youse kan sea. Dis bees a mose strenyuos job an rekwires intenss konsentrashun. Dis alsew bees whear da meditashun komes in handee. Sea, he needz too bee redee fur ennyfing at enny momunt. Iff’n Sami didn’t meditate an pondur da unifurse, hard telling what wood happin. Luckie fur him, dere bees da nipz growin rite bize his guard stashun!

Earthquake Preparedness

As guardcat, Sami has to purrtekt da howse frum enny kind ov natcheral disastur alsew. Hir he bees praktisin holdin down da cowch so he will no what too dew whin da earthquake strikes. Where he liffs, earthquakes are happenin moar an moar ofun, sew he needz to praktis holdin down da furnitcher alla time.

Sam da Man wuz awarded dis most purrstigious award fur journalistik eggsulunch by duh redoubtable Queen Bitsy hersef. The Caterwaul Chronicle iz purroud tew haf had such uh dishtingished kolumnist riting fur dis mewspaper.

Sam da Man is now at the Rainbow Bridge. We all miss this inspurrayshunul tom and are grateful fur his literary legacy.