I see dat yew are wearing duh hat dat yew got as a finalist in duh international nipz drinking cattest at Paddy's Pub last St. Paddy's Day. Dew yew konsider it yewr lukkie hat?

Yes, dis is definitely my lukkie hat cuz I dun drinked a bunch of cats under duh table and got picked as a finalist in duh cattest. I kin drinks any cat under duh table any day any purrlace.

Yewr meowmie sez dat yew haf "a bad disposition, especially when he's being photographed....." Dat muss make yew furry purroud. What tipz and trickz can yew share wif ovfur tomz trying to earn a bad repurrtayshun? Watt haf yew done dat most disgusted yewr meomie?

Yes I iz furry purroud of my bad disposition. Any tomz wantin tew earn a bad repurrtayshun shud rememfur tew always growl, hiss, an spit regular like if dey wants tew be in charge of fings. I always spit cuz it makes everyone respect me an gives me what I wants. Dey no I don't take nufin from nocat.

I haf done disgusted my meowmie by spittin and refusin tew pose for duh dumb pikshures she is always makin us take. Duh gurlz in da furmily just sit an purr and make fools of demselfs. But I will not be a fool in a stupid pikshure for anyone, not even meowmie. Duh worst fing I haf ever done was bite meowmie and claw her fer not puttin me down when I didn't wanna be held no more. All dat fussin over me and huggin me is just plain disgustin! So I bit her. She got furry upset wif me but she put me down in a hurry!

Duz yew set aside tyme evfurryday too teech gross and disgusting tomz behaffur two duh ovfur tomz in yewr furmily? Watt are sum of duh tings yew bad boyz haf dun to yewr sisfurs?

Yes, I does. SnowPuff is duh most difficult tew teach becuz he likes to fawn up tew meowmie. I has tew teach him tew be less sweet. Duh younger, newer memfurs of da furmily haf been much easier tew teach as dey iz not set in dere wayz yet. Patches has caught on furry fast and I iz proud of how naughty and disgustin he has learnt tew be.

We also like tew steal duh food outta our sisfurs and momfurs food dishes. (Keedie is our momfur, but she's not REALLY my momfur for real, she adopted me kinda. Misty is my adopted sisfur and a real pain. She kin be almost as mean as a tom! So I bez mean rite back!) We haf hissing and spitting matches wif da gurlz in our house all duh time.

Duz yew share duh litterbox wif ovfurs? Duz yew boffur to cover watt yew dumps? Scatter litter arown duh howse?

Yes, I has tew share a litter box wif ovfurs. I never cover my poops and I scatter duh litter all over de place.

We tomz haf done pulled all duh poops outta our litter boxes and purrlayed wif dem on de floor, battin dem around like balls. mol! mol! Meowmie gits so disgusted wif us fer doin dis. But we keeps doin it anyways.

I unnerstan dat a d*g was yewr surrogate muffur. Du duh ovfur tomz (Patches, Boo Boo, Snowpuff, Yogi) haf gude relayshunships wif d*gs? Some katz like too play trix on d*gs. Dew enny of mew du dat?

Yes we does haf gude relayshunships wif dogs. Brownie and Newman is okay guyz in my book and I don't purrlay no trix on dem. Dey don't deserve to be treated bad. Dey iz gude guyz. Misty is always being mean tew dem cuz dey takes our side in fings. So we don't bother dem dogs at all. I kin honestly call dem my buddiez.

And it iz true dat a dog was a surrogate momfur tew me when I waz a kitten. She done lost her pups. Dey died and she adopted me. I waz furry young and missed her after she died. She treated me gude so I haf never hated dogs duh way most cats dew.

None of duh cats in our house hate dogs except Misty. She's just plumb mean.

Dat Misty is furry purrty. Iz she a prissy, stuckup gurl? Duz she try too blame yew boyz fur evfurryting she kan git away wif?

Boy iz she efer stuckup, prissy and altogether mean! She will blame us guyz fer everfing, whether it's our fault or not! She picks on us all de time and we don't git no peace from her!

I hatez to haf my pikfur taken, tew, and goez into my seekrut hiding playce whenevfur I seas a kamra. Dew yew haf a sekrut hiding playce? Haf yew evfur skeered yewr meowmie reel bad becuz she thowt yew wuz lost wen yew wuz jusst hiding?

Yes, we haf boxes in duh basement of our house for storage and I go down dere and hide in dem when da kamra is coming (also when duh vaccume monster comes out). I haf several sekrut hiding boxes I luff to hide in. I haf skeered meowmie lotsa times wif my hiding. She's always finking I might haf run out duh door when she can't find me. But I come out when I'm gude an ready tew.

Patches is duh only won of us tomz who don't run from duh vaccume monster. He spits at it and even went so far as tew hit it wif his paw! He's furry brave.

Duz yew haf a wink? If sew, how did yew meet?

Oh, yes, I iz happily wedwinked tew my luffley Molly. We met by being interduced by Madam Troublinski. She seed in her krystil ball dat we waz meant tew be tewgether and she waz really rite! We iz furry happy tewgether. Molly likes tew ride on duh back of my motorcycle wif me. I iz a memfur of duh Desfurrados Bikers Klub.

Watt a romantikul way to beez intrewduced. Tanks fur agreeing tew be infurvued. I haf werked up a big appurtyte and bet yew haf, tew. Wye don't we take our wedwinks fur a nice meal at Duh Lobster?