Yewr sisfurs Zena, Neek, and Scraps, must have been furry surprised when yew moved in! Bet they had the litterbox all decorated with pink ribbons and stuff like that  mewhaha.

Wells, Dwnn and Taliesin -- da truff beez dat I wuz jess a liddle kidden wen I furse comed to Meowmie Nancy howse; an'doze gurlz beed all stucks up cuz I wuz jess a furster kitty. Dey nevfur finked I wuz gonna liffs here fureffur; soze, dey kinda ignorr me. I triez effuryfing to makes dem purrlays wifff me' butt, wells, mew noze how gurlz beez. Dey alla time wanna ficks each da offur furs an' gets all dress up. I jess wann runz arown da howse an gets into fings.

Yewr meowmie says that yewr "greatest enjoyment is harrassing the girls" which makes us wonder if there's any proof of such a serious charge.

What are some of the things yew do to make life more interesting fur yewr sisfurs? We refuse to beleef yew're harassing them. Troof is, they prolly harass yew, so tell us the real story!

Now dat I one yeers old an jess so many biggs as dey is, I cant's heps terrfurize dem. It my national bornded instink!!

As fur sum pruuf, luk at dat picfur of miou under dat blanket -- now I ask, doesn't dat luk likez I hidez fur myown life from da ornery gurlz?? (or day sayz I iz fixin' to pounce dem!) Make mew own clusion bout dat, budz.

We've heard that yew and yewr furriend Max Taylor have had some macho times and tricky escapes in your short lives. Would yew tell us one or two -- that is, if the purrlice won't arrest yew fur incriminating yewrseffs  mewhaha.

As mew noze, Max and me bofe beez one yeers old' an, we has beed eggsperiment wiff all kindsa "tomly" fings. We bofe gotted to goze to da Bandit's Catchelor Pardy; an, dat da furstess times we effur smokes sum ceegars an' haff sum Furrsters nipz.

Den, affur da pardy, wen awl da bigg tomz wented bak to da hotel, me and Max eggsplore Australya an' goze purrlays wiff Koola Bares. We sniff dere butts; an, dey sniff ourown.

Purrlease dont's tells myown meowmie. I duzn't wants her to werries.

Yew won the Cat's Gallery tabby cattest in May and were infurvued by Pepper Mille'. Here at the klubb, we think of Pepper Mille as a furry secksy gurl. Do yew feel that way? Tell us wheffur yew flirted wif her and if she tried to vamp yew.

We also think of Pepper Mille' as a furry trixy female. Once upon a time she purrtended to be an Australian tom named Dirk and tried to join our kubb. She evfun passed the screening infurvu conducted by Da Agency! It was only when the chromosome test results came back that the troof was revealed.

Have yew evfur heard that story before? What do yew think about such a wild and crazy gurl?

Oh, I haff hearded all abowts da Pepper Mille' tries to sneeks into da tomzrule. I wuz furry carefur not to giffs aways any klubb sekrets wen she infurview me.

She due beez a furry purrdy gurl; butt, I knot all dat infurest in gurlz, jess yet. I too many buzy purrlays wiff my toyz and chases my sisfurs offa a new kitty tree dat myown meowmie buyed fur us.

Yew belong to several clubs and go to parties and do things like go to Cat Mountain Lodge fur weekends. We like to do those things, too. In fact, Meowmie says our lives are more interesting than hers. Does yewr meowmie feel that way? Do yew see any reason why hoomin beans should eggspeck to have lives as interesting as their cats haf?

Mew is eggsackly rite. Dat whys I tries make myown meowmie's life more infurestin'. Fur instands, I is alla time gets up at 4:00 a.m. an starts to purrlays. Den I makes my sisfurs wakes up soze I ken chases dem an smell dere butts.

Meowmie and da gurlz fink I is beez badd; but, I reely jess enfurtains dem. Dat my job, mew see.

It is a sad faq that pore ole Kwene Bitsy has losted her mind to an obsession with us tomz and all the gude thymes we haf. She sneaks around with her kamra to spy on harmless tomz, and then she purrblishes the pikfurs revealing to the whole internet universe what she'd like to be and do! She even boasts that she hid in yewr meowmie's baffroom to take pikfurs, which admits that she's a kriminal as well as a purrvert!

Bitsy has purrblished the following photos in which she accuses yew of "this wasteful squandering of valuable propurrty" writing that you have "been corrupted by his fellow memfurs of that boyz club from kitty hell, tomzrule." Do yew deny these charges? What is the true story?

Wells, furse da alls, it musta had beed one a myown sisfurs dat sended doze pichures to Bitesy. I shure she knot hides in my baffroom an takes dem herownself. A smart tom likes me wudda node he was beed spies on!

I duz admit dat I lerns sum "tomly" fings from my buds in tomzrule; butt, da Q-tips beez my furry own idear. Furm da furry furse times I seed one, I jess node dat dey wuds makes grate toyz ... an' dey duz! I luffs Quetips! I likes to chews on da fluffy part and den spits out da pieces. I likes to bats dem arown on da flore and tosses dem in da air.

Meowmie try to hides dem; butt, I alla time finds dem. I telled myown meowmie dat it betfur iffen I purrlays wiff da Q-tips den unrolls da terlet payper and rips it to shreds. We calls dis a compurrmise.

Bitsy goes on to say, "I have infurmed his meowmie of his guilt, and she has agreed to have him sign up at Bad Kitties Anonymouse." Do yew believe that yewr meowmie thinks yew are a bad boy? Is it purrsible that she would agree to such a thing?

If forced to join that silly old group, will yewr whiskers droop in shame, or will yew consider it an award and a tribute to yewr high spirits and clever shenanigans?

I 'appose dat my meowmie fink I a bad kitty; butt, dat duzn't matfur, cuz I noze she luff me furry many. Wen she fink I knot luks, I sees her laffs at da stuff I due.

Ackshually, I furry purroud to beez join da Bad Kitties Anonymousies. Mose a my bestess buds alla time beez memfurs. I knot da lease bits ashame. I holds my whiskers hig, so long as my meowmie knot hides da Q-tips ........ hehemewmewmew.

What, in yewr meowmie's opinion, is the most gross and disgusting thing yew've done in yewr short life? Is it also the thing of which yew are purroudest?

One times, I farz so many lowd dat KeeKee hearded it all da ways to Catifornia. I purdy purroud a dat fack! I knot shure wat my meowmie fink; butt, I noze my sisfurs many gross wen I belches in dere faces. Dey is all times says, "ewww, ick, grossssss".

Dey says I duzn't gotz no table manfurs, eiffur, an dat I eats wiff my mouf open and mews wiff my mouf full. Sumtime dat da onliess ways I ken gets a werd or twon in. It knot eazy liff wiff free sifrus dat all times mew to each da offur.

We hope that memfurship in tomzrule® has helped yew learn new ways to express yewr tomz cattitude. If so, purrleeze tell us some things yew've learned. Also, about the "bad company" yewr sisfurs think yew are keeping.

What tips do yew wish to pass on to ovfur young tomz to hepp them grow up wild and crazy and furry macho?

Da tomzrule da bestess klubb fur boyz like me. Sense I liffs in a howse wiff all wimmens, I needs a purrlace wares I ken lerns abowt da tomz stuffs. Fur instance I neffur wudda node dat makes fartz an belches in publick beez furrny, 'cept my buds at tomzrule makes cattests 'bout dese fings. I mite neffur has lerns dat it kewell to smokes ceegars wiles I gets nipzed at Paddy's Pub. In fack, iffen it knot fur da tomzrule, I mite beez fickses furs an' dresses up wiff my sisfurs!!

My 'vice fur offur liddle boy kitties beez to lets all da gurlz in dere howse noze who beez da boss! Iffen dey knot gets da pichure, den jess puts a bigg paw on dere heads an stares at dem. Alla time gards mewr toonas frum hungrie gurls' an, all times takes dat bestess kitty bed fur mewrownself.

Thanks, Jordan fur purrmitting us to infurvu you. See you on the Brofur Clubs Meows bulletin board!

Learn about Jordan's rescue and adoption at Jordan's page.  Read his Cat's Gallery infurvu with Pepper Mille'.
Still wondering if Dirk and Pepper Mille' are the same cat? See Dirk's page and Pepper Mille's page.
The infamous Bandit's Catchelor Pardy continues.
Queen Bitsy's yellow journalism can be read with scorn by tomz at Weekly Purrsuader, which is purrblished monthly.