I understand dat yew found the Crowley household in Texas just before Easter 1999. With yewr white fur, did they think you were the Easter bunny? How did you happen to choose that particular family?

I was searching for a home, when I wandered into the Crowley's west pasture. I was drawn toward their house by the aroma of baked ham. As I approached the back yard, I saw a Siamese cat on the other side of the fence. Even though Shibui wasn't wearing her crown, I realized that she was a memfur of royalty. I bowed to her and said, "Bonjour, mademoiselle. Mon nom est Monsieur Français. Je suis perdu et très affamé."

She stared at moi with her sapphire blue eyes and replied, "I thought for a moment that you were the Easter Bunny! Are you lost? You look famished! We are preparing a feast and you are welcome to stay for dinner." Their dog, Sandy, did not even bark at me when I entered the yard. When the humans realized that I needed a home, they invited me to stay. The other Crowley cats, Dobbin, Midnight and Bogey, did not welcome me with open paws. But eventually, we all became bons amis. We celebrate mon anniversaire during Easter season. Just to amews my siblings, I dress up in a rabbit suit.

Tell me about the other Crowley cats? Are you the most macho tom? Do you haf a prissy sisfur? Maybe one who belongs to the Circle of Charm?

When I first came to live at the Triple C Ranch, Midnight was the top tom. He was an inspurration to me ... a mighty hunter who ruled with a velvet paw. He told me that he and Sandy came to live at the ranch on the same cold winter day in December, 1990. Three years ago, Midnight went to Rainbow Bridge. This summer, Sandy joined him there. I miss mes amis furry much.

I have three sisfurs and they are all memfurs of Circle of Charms. Dobbin and Shibui are both seventeen-years old. Dobbin has lived with our humans since she was a kitten. She is a little prissy and set in her ways, but not a trouble-maker. Shibui joined the family twelve years ago. She is furry independent and unpredictable. It is in my best interests to remain on her good side. My only complaint is that she monopurrlizes the computer.

Clancy is mon nemesis. He came to live with us two years ago and immediately challenged me to a duel. He didn't even have the courtesy to say, "En guarde!" Once, Clancy gave mon père a severe bite, so now I must purrtect him against the little whippersnapper. Clancy has furry sharp claws and teeth, but he cannot get the best of me. I am the most macho Matou on the Triple C Ranch!

Did you learn to mew in French while with your momfur and littermates or did you pick it up during your travels to the Crowley ranch? Do any of them speak French?

I learned to purr in French from ma mère. She taught moi some useful words and phrases, before we were sepurrated. I would like to take lessons to improve ma vocabulaire and grammaire. Shibui has learned some French from Niklos, who taught a class in French at CLAW University. He also helped us translate an old French postcard.

Although my humans don't speak French, Meowmie has an interest in the history of French settlers in Texas. She has traced my ancestors to a group of European colonists who settled in a neighboring county in 1848.

Tell us a few of the things you like to do that others find gross and disgusting. Do you think it's impurrtant to keep doing new things to shock others, or should a tom be able to rest on his repurrtation?

Mes sisfurs are easily embarrassed. Sacre bleu! They turn red when they see me grooming myself on the table. But the thing that disgusts them most is when I behead a gopher and leave it on the deck to sun-dry. I think we tomz should be able to rest on our laurels, but it is good to throw in a few surprises, just to keep our repurrtations intact.

Do you have a wink? If so, how did you meet? If not, are you looking or do you prefur to "play the field?"

I have never had a wink, although I enjoy the company of pretty mademoiselles. Arabella Dominique Milliken, a furry sweet kitty, was a special ami of mine. I was furry sad when she went to Rainbow Bridge. In my dreams, I take 'Bella sailing on Golden Misty Lake at Catuary.

At the present time, I prefur to play the field. This gives me an oppurrtunity to dance with many attractive kitties, both young and old. Two of my favorite dancing partners are Mewsette and her sisfur, Phelicity. Did mew see Mewsette and moi doing the two-step at the Texas Felix BBQ? She really made my head spin!

I heard you teaching some of the tomz a French song at Paddy's the other night. Can you remember what it was, or were you too nipzed out? 'Course *I* was nipzed under the table -- maybe the song wasn't even in French MOL MOL

MOL When I have too much nipz, I might sing in ANY language! Purrhaps mew rememfur mon attempt to translate the Tomzrule theme song. With apologies to our bon ami Royal:

et nous savons à où il est,
vous devrions venir nous joindre,
si vous êtes un grand Matou.

The next time I see Niklos, I will ask him if he can help translate the rest.

Would you teach us a few French words, purrleeze and maybe also a phrase or two that you find furry useful when dealing with pushy gurls.

I am no professeur, but I gladly share some mots et expressions with mon amis. As mew know, many words are furry similar in English, even though they be purrnounced differently.

"Cat" fur example is "Chat" in French, but purrnounced "Sha".
"To purr" in French is "ronronner" - like the purr of an automobile engine in the Gran Prix.
"automobile" = "automobile"
"anchovie pizza" = "pizza d'anchovie"
"catnip" = "cataire"
"liver pate" = "pâté de foie"
"bashful" = "timide"
"chéri" = "darling"
"forgive me" = "pardonnez-moi"

Useful phrases:
For sisfurs:
"Excusez-moi, mais votre derrière est dans mon espace = "Pardon me, but your butt is in my space!"
"Puisque vous allez à la cuisine, apportez-moi une bière." Since you're going to the kitchen, bring me a beer."

For mes amis:
"Rencontrez-moi au Paddy's!" = "Meet me at Paddy's!"

What advice do you have for young tomz to help dem grow up to be wild and crazy macho tomz?

My advice fur young tomz is furry simple: "À vous-mêmes soyez vrai!" In other words, "Be yourselves!"

Tanks, Frenchie. I know the other tomz will enjoy reading the infurvu.

Merci, NP! Le plaisir était tout l'à moi!