At LAST a purrlace to speak out about those space invaders aka Human Guests.

My most memorable "shocking duh guest" episode was the time that I used a combination of things, this guest was a particularly annoying one! First, I used the obvious, clawing the legs but when this failed, hey was she wearing armour padding or something - sweet Buddsie indeed, I jumped on her lap and with as much noise as possible proceeded to clean my nether regions as never before (or since). This human was stubborn, guffaws of laughter, my human looked at me helplessly, she wasn't too keen on this particular visitor either.

Drastic measures were needed! Being short-haired I rarely hawk up furballs but I rose to magnificent heights on this occasion and hawked up the largest furball possible - right on the offending visitor's LAP - now that did make her move!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Odd, she has never visited again. My human was so thrilled with my efforts I received a special treat that night!

Buddee Gill

Our story is more about "spooking the guest" than shocking. You see, most humans can't tell us apart (you have to look at our noses) so we have a lot of fun "tag-teaming" guests. Our greatest success was a carpenter who came to see about the window frames in Meowmie's bedroom back in our old apartment.

We had a long hallway with all the rooms going off the side. When the carpenter came in, he saw Dwnn sitting at the far end of the hall. He said he was afraid of cats, so we gave him special treatment. Dwnn sat and stared at him while the man slowly walked down the hall. Then he heard a noise and turned around to see Taliesin slowly creeping in stalking posture.

The carpenter turned around quickly, but Dwnn was no longer there! How, he wondered, did the cat get from in front of him to behind him? But we weren't through, oh no!

When the man entered the bedroom, there was Dwnn sitting atop the chest of drawers. When he turned around, Taliesin was nowhere to be seen. Now it seemed that the cat had gotten back in front of him! He could hardly work for looking over his shoulders. By the time he finished, we both had disappeared.

Meowmie was cooperative and didn't tell the bewildered carpenter that we are two sneaky tomz and not one magic-powered cat.

The Wicked Twins

Our apartment waz full of females da Christmas befur last. I haff three kitty sisfurs and two human sisfurs and a Meowmie. I am da only male in da appurtment. Meowmie made a wondefur turkey dinner fur da hoomin girlz. Lil, Mary Kate, and Ashley were mewing around da table fur some treats.

I waz elsewhere ... but not too far away... close enough for...

Suddenly dare was a loud scream ... "Pee You what iz dat horrible smell?" choked Lil.
"I think I am dying" said Ashley.
"Quick open dose windows wide" yelled Mary Kate.

Hoomin girlz are not as quick az felines. It took a while. Kathy said, " uh Mom... I don't want to hurt your feelings but... this turkey doesn't smell too good. Are you sure it is fresh? I am not really hungry now." Kristen jumped up from her chair, "I know what it is ... litterbox!"

"No", said Meowmie, "I just scrubbed and cleaned both boxes this morning and filled them with fresh sweet smelling litter while the turkey was in the oven. It simply can't be already." She sighed and ran into the bathroom where litterbox 1 is located. And sure enough ... I had left the biggest purresent I could giff her for Christmas.

My greatest way of getting to the girlz iz that I neffur cover when I do that thing! Why should I ? Hoomin males leaf up da toilet seat and often don't flush right? Dat is sissy stuff. Us males know dare is nofing we needs to coffer up.

All da girlz were disgusted. Kathy said "Mom, you only have one boy cat but he sure is stinky. OUR cats never do that!" (my step-brofurs Rabbi and Brian) Kathy said she had lost her appetite. Kristen and Meowmie were not furry hungry eifur now. Meowmie gafe me dat look but I looked back wifth my sweet innocent charming "Who me? Do anything wrong?" look and so she didn't scold me as she had planned to do. After all, I did do it INSIDE the box! Kristen was just saying "Oooh gross. so gross. Phil is so gross."

I could hear Lil muttering .... "Oh I am soooo embarrassed. He did it again. That rude uncouth boy" Ashley and Mary Kate agreed as they washed their little front paws, as if washing away the smell of what I had left fur 'em. Unfortunately Meowmie came by wifth da pooper scooper and took away my prize and da gurlz didn't haff to use da litterbox wifth it dare. Darn.

But da best part waz ... aftur it waz all done, I felt really good. Mew knows dat good empty feeling in mewr tummy, after mew haff dumped a big load, when mew feel nicely hungry?And dare was purrlenty of turkey fur me to feast on.

Phil

I is such a good boy - but once I wuz bad when I wuz juss trying to be good and helpful. A neighbor lady had come over to visit meowmie. Dis lady talks and talks and talks and talks. I ken juss sees meowmie's eyes starting to glaze over. So I wuz juss gonna help meowmie. I swears dat I wuz helping - and being good.

Anyway, I purrtended I wuz gonna throw up. Yu know those gaggy noises we makes? I walked over real close to dis lady and started making them sounds and threw in a little body action. Meowmie says, "Oh Henry, you're going to throw up, aren't you?" Hahahahah . That lady said, "Well, I've got to be going." And she about ran out of the door.

Well - did Meowmie give me a hug and say what a good boy I was? NO!!! She started lecturing me about being a bad boy - and THAT was what made me sick and made me throw up on the living room carpet.

Henry

Sam da Man here agin. I has jest had da wurst time figurin out what to rite about dat shocked da guests becuz I is a purrfect gentleman whin Meowmie an Farfur haff guests. Now guyz, befur you gits all disgussted wif me, let me tell you why. Hehehe You mights efun want to try it sometime.

See I has 3 sisfurs dat I has to liff wid an you no dat's not easy. My sisfurs allatime drivin me crazee. So I thought an thought about hows I cud get effun wid dem an I decided dat if I was allatime nice to guests dat I wud get more attenshun dan dey do becuz dey just acts so stupid whin guests are dere. Dey allatime showin off an runnin thru da house an battin at each udder. Whin peeples see dem dey tink de'yre naughty kitties. Dey are too!

So what I duz is whin no one lookin I jest bats one a dem gurlz on da butt an she goes screamin and cryin all fru da house. Speshly dat Delli. She so snottie dat ifn I hit her den she goz an hits Spottie an den Spottie goes an hits Izzy. Ha! I iss so smart. I gets doze gurlz all fightin an den I strolls into da room jest so purrfect an frendly an purrty soon peoples say, "Oh, dere is dat nice Sam. What a good boy!" Hehehe Dis infurriates doz gurlz an I jest lap it up. Den I purr an purr an rub on da peeples an dey tink I am sooo nice! Den doze dumb gurlz gits so jealus dat dey really start actin stupid an efurrybody leaves da house tinkin dat I iss da oniest good kitty in da house. Hehehehe Arunt I klefur? You guyz dat has to lif wid gurls shud try it cuz it wurks!

Sam da Man

I'm so tired of dose people I don't know coming inta my house! One time for one of da holidays, my meowmie and fafur had furriends over and dose people of course kept touching me and gooing and gaaing over me. Well, now my meowie is the only one who can do dat ta me! What do dese people tink I am? Soft and mushy? Naw! I'm big and strong, can't let my sisfurs see udder people petting me and me enjoying it! I ain't no cuddly duddly.

So I went ta da litter box and went poop, but ya see, I had been on medication so it was, well ya know-loose. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" said my sisfurs as they ran away. Well, I was a bit mussed up on my bottom, so right in front of dose guests cooing over me, I just went 'scoot-scoot-scoot' all across da carpet. All dese people just looked in shock & horror as I 'skidded' out of sight. My sisfurs ran away screaming and meowmie wasn't to happy eder cuz she had ta clean it, but I showed dose guests I ain't no kitty to be pampered upon! (but of course I let my meowmie do that later when we cuddled in bed) But dose udder people know now to watch out for stinky Simba!

Simba