The catputer is gude fur sharing yewr bad waze wif klubb memfurs. We notice dat yewr meowmie's catputer table beez sew much less cluttered dan our meowmie's. Du yew hepp her by pushing tings onto duh floor? By shaking fur into duh keyboard? By chewing duh mousie's tail?

I am like Meowmie's purrsonal secretary. When she lets too much junk accumulates by da puter, I get to work. I mewsually wate fur Meowmie to leaf and den I move stuff around to hep dis ugly sitmewashun. I started wif her post it notes, mofed on to pens and erasers. Den I gradmewated to books and styuff like dat. Mostly dey needs to be on da spashuious floor.

Anofur ting I do dat really heps her is to make her rest her poor ofurworked eyes by lying on da monitor and letting my tail and back legs dangle ofur da monitor. She can't see so she has to rest.

We understand yew use the purrincipal of "leadership by eggsampul" as the tom in charge of teaching the ovfur Eberso tomz (Bootsy, Tux, and Tyke) to beez gross and disgusting. Purrleeze giff our reeders an eggsampul of wun way yew haf tawt yewr brofurs to be bad.

Fur instance, seeing Bootsy lukking so innocent, we juss know he's been up to no good. Lukking closer, we see a brofur -- is that Tyke? -- behind him. Do yew encouraj yewr brofurs to purrticipate in multiple badboyz purrjects? Detalez, purrleeze.

I taut Tyke, Tux, and Bootsy to chase after da gurls: Playful, Patches, Mimi, and Baby. I spot my victim doing somefing she fines infuresting and dat's when I dash ofur. Now da ofur boyz do dat, tew. Da gurls hiss but dey runs anywaze. AND if dey haf tauts bowt running...welll, I haz showed da ofur tomz how to bite da gurls. Right on da back of da neck.

Well, mew see Bootsy needed lots of instruKshun in destrukshun. I demonstrate and den lets him copy mwe. I sits back and watch. In dat pifur, Bootsy is on a search and destroy misshun. In dis case dere is a phone cord running against da wall dat had been nailed down by Meowmie. Had been. Now dis becomes a multi-cat affure. Da offur tomz haz been keeping track of da purrgress and wenn da cord has been stretched loose across da floor, dey chases da gurls right to it. Den da gurls trip and fall and cauze a commoshun. Dis makes Meowmie mad.

The Wicked Twins:

Are Baby, Mimi, Playful, and Patches awl yewr sisfurs? Is wun of dem a furmeowmie? Dew dey catplain to yewr meowmie when yew chase or swat dem? Watt is duh moss disgusting ting yew evfur did to duh gurlz in yewr howse?

Indy:

Of da gurl cats here, Baby and Mimi re furmeowmies. Baby is Tux's and Mimi is da furmeower of Tyke, Bootsy, and ar sisfur, Patches. I iz a distant relashun. And dey is alwaze running to Meowmie. Baby efen catplaines dat she is soooo upset she hafing accidents owtside da litter box. Mew hewww hewww. She has been my finest purrject. I lufs to torment her. She can't efen hide unner da cofurs.

But da grossest ting I do to dem is fart in dere faces. I mewsually do dis wenn dey are: 1. trying to eat 2. trying to sleep 3. washing up. Dey gets upset and distrakted. Meowmie tinks da most diskusting ting I do to da gurlz is knot my farts, wish I iz fond of doing at efury opportunity, but my hairballs in our waterbowlz.

The Wicked Twins:

Playful seems to be the most athuhletikul Eberso. Duz she spin evfurry Winter skiing?

Indy:

Now wif Playful, her being da conceited gurl dat she is would be flattered by some of dis. But knot to be too boastful...I am da most athletic. I can fly across the room. I haf a great long distance jump and I walk on da door jambs.

Bootsy is da most graceful, dough. He can walk da slalom walk on a crowded bookshelf wifowt nokking tings ofur. I will haz to send some pifurs of mwe on my bike...or hang-gliding.

Tux has a wedwink or he might haf gurls. He is in Mewsbros. Band.

The Wicked Twins:

We see yew at Paddy's Pub a lot. (In fak, on Mew Yeerz Eve we saw two of yew -mewhaha mewhaha- in faq, we saw two of evfurryting.) Duh Luau Room beez fun, duzzn't it? Witch of duh Hula Honeys du yew tink is sechkier, Littlefoot or Bambi? Tell duh reeders of sumtings yew haf dunn at Paddy's.

Indy:

Ah, mew Years! I hepped Tux dress in balloons. I just went dere as mweseff. I chugged my nipz and had a large time. I went to da Luau room and found bof gurls furry sexy. I belief I could haf handled bof...I did dance wif bof as far as I can rememfurs but it seems dat wenn I had dem pull my paws and farted, furry grandly I mite add, dey walked off. I knot unnerstand, I didn't efen bite dere nex. Not long after dat, da room started spinning and I weren't efen dansing. Unmewsual room dat.

The Wicked Twins:

Datz a fine bike yew haf dere. Bet yewr sisfurs be allathyme beggin yew to ledd dem go fur rides. Or iz dey so prissified dat dey runz away in feer fur dere liffes? Any special biker stories yew can tell us?

Indy:

Bikes! Yes, Meowmie hates it wenn I work on it in da haus. She say I get oyls in and I should do dis owtside. Den I go owts and she catplaines dat I been gone too long, too far, or too somefing. But da gurls say I go to fast fur dem and take too many challenges wif my jumps.

Efil Knievel eat mewr hart owt. I is a daredevil!!! Wheelies at midnight in ar nabor's yards or in furont of anywon's. I luf da wheelies. My next exploit will be to go chase a tornado.

Won day I will start looking fur a gross and diskuting biker chick. We will moon ar nabor's togefur to seal ar bond. Until I find a gurl like dat I will be a solitary tom. I is a a young tom wif plenty of time before I settles down, dough.

Would mew like to see me jump ofur dat truck? Den we can race ofur to Paddy's.

The Wicked Twins:

Sounds like a great idea, and the purrfect way to conclude this infurfu!

~  ~  ~  ~  ~   ~

They burned off and sped along the Chesapeake and Ohio (C&O) Canal towpath frightening the visitors along this normally quiet and scenic part of Maryland, near The Wicked Twins' home. The Twins arrived at Paddy's furst and waited fur Indy.

And waited. And waited. Clearly, something was wrong.

That "something" turned out to be, as it so often is for tomz, COP Polly.

~ ~ ~

LINKS:

Meet Indy and his furmily at Get to Know the Ebersocats.
Tomz, beware of COP Polly's office and its sexist catputer system.
tomzrule® memfurs share tips about bad waze on the Brofur Clubs Meows bulletin board.

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Credits:
Backgrounds from Bitsy's Boutique.