Rescue Ranch beez an intressin playce. How mini catz beez dere wen yew moved in? How many duz dere beez now? How did it get founded, ennywaze?

When I comes to da Ranch der was 9 cats, now countin me ders 6. Da Rescue Ranch here at my house is for kitties dat needs lotsa medicines and extra care. Dey usually comes frum one of the V*ts dat meowmie knows. She and 2 other meowmies haff a big Rescue Farm fulla stray cats, dogs n horsies. Ders wild feral cats in da woods too, and baby goats and a little pig. Dey gets dem der shots and fixation, then adopt dem out fur free.

Duz yew set aside tyme evfurryday too dew gross and disgusting tomz tings, or do you purrform random aktz of mayhem and dispicability?

Funny you would askt dat. Iz purrty disgustin already buts Iz learnin new gross tricks frum my bubbas alla the time. Right now Iz the King of the belch/fartz combinational.

How old were yew wen yew muffed into Rescue Ranch? Watt wuz duh furrst gross and disgustin ting yew did after muffing inn? Watt is duh grossest ting yew haf evfur done of witch yew beez purroudest?

I wuz only 6 months old when I moved in and I was a fraidy cat cause I got all bited up by a d*g. Iz sendin dis pitcher to show yous how I would climb up on top of my new bubbas for baths n stuff. Den I'd try reel hard to make fartz in der faces! I was safe up der n dey lets me do it cause I wuz a baby MOL

My grossest thing was I gots confused and peed in Queen Elizabeth's water dish, she punched me out fur dat.

Yew wuz at duh tomzrule® piknic wif Orbit the Cat. Iz she yewr sweethart or wink? She giffs her brofur Orange Pekoe a lott of trubble. Duz yew belieff duh saying dat gurlz beez "bratty toward brofurs; winsome toward winks"?

I likes de Orbits gurl buts I see what she rites on da gurls board. It sounds like she hates boyz but likes to go to parties. Her brofur is my buddy, Iz lookin aroun at udder gurls right now and I stayin a batchelor.

Speeking of gurlz...one of duh wurst gurlz liffs wif yew and yewr brofurs. I meen duh notorious Queen Elizabeth, QE2, aka Lizard who has done juss abowt evfurry wild ting dere beez two due. Iz she yewr sisfur? Tell me, watt iz it like too haf her arown duh playce?

Elizabeth has been here so long she makes alla da rules and effen bosses meowmie aroun. She's reel nice when we first gets here and acts like a lovin nanny, but den she turns mean. She can punch reely hard and when she hisses she spits all offur us. I fink it wood be nicer if it was juss us boyz.

I haff herd dat she has bad breef and lowd fartz and noizy pardies wif lodds of dancing and brawling. Iz dis trew? I nose hour reederz wood luff to lern empurrassing tings abowt QE2 -- eggspeshuhlee if yew haf pikfurs. Sew doo tell awl.

Alla dat stuff is true - we gets sick of her dancin around in her undies. She duzn't know I took dis pikfur witt my Agent's sekret camerala or sheed kills me! Now she's runnin witt dem Ya-Ya girls, it's harrd to live witt! She cantz see reel well anymore so we haff a better chance of her nots getting too close.

Sumtimes she smells like a 50 year old sardine.

How haf tingz changed since Sheik Ollie Babble moved in? How disgustin is he? Duz he fite wif Elizabeth? Fur a while he wuz goin dancin wif Kwene Bitsy; iz dere a romance dere?

Boy do I likes da Sheik, he is da most macho guy I knows. He lets me hang out witt him and he teaches me gross stuff. You shud see how he can move alla da litter outta the box in juss seconds! He is de only cat in da house that Elizabeth likes - go figure! He likes de older wimmen and fur sum reason Kwene Bitsy is his favorite rite now. Halloween may change dat.

Yew haf made mini kontra bushunz to tomzrule®. How haz duh klubb made yew a more gross and disgusting boy? Duz yew haf sum filosofie tew share wif ovfur tomz or werdz to enkourage dem to resist dere pestiferous sisfurs?

I haffs become a reel manz since I joined Tomzrule. Hangin at Paddys is so kool. I used to be shy but now Iz got so many good buddies, life is grate!

My advice witt sisters n gurlz in generalize is too puts on an akt like yous quiet n shy, den when dey is asleeps you runrun and leaps on dem screaming "Bonzaiiiii". Give dem a few bodyslams and wrestles den runrun away. Dis keeps dem confused bout you.

Tanks fur sharing yewr seekruts wif us. Dere beez sum grate ideers hear fur waze to purrtek ourseffs fromme gurlz and tipz fur bekomming evfun mower despikable!