|Relaxation Room|
|Overnight Accommodations|
|Emergency Transportaton|
|Forgotten Event Backup|
|Alibis Ready|
|Join|
Nosey Parker, visionary cat, is appalled at the brazen bossiness of gurlcatz seeking to control toms. He has seen the lengths gurlcatz will go to find out what boycatz are doing and to stop them from haffing fun. He realized that the only solution is to provide toms with a secret, males only klubb where they enjoy the company of ovfur toms without being asked, "Which shoes go better with this dress?"
tomzrule® is a place where toms can go to eat, drink, sing, and stay overnight -- or longer. But it's much, much more than just a meeting place and overnight refuge.
tomzrule® helps you escape unpleasant places where gurlz congregate and harrass toms. The klubb offers a practical solution to rememfurring purrdays and anniversaries, too. But the most impurrtant memfur privilege of all is the "Alibis at the Ready" benefit that guarantees that gurlz can never find you -- unless you want them to.
Sound too good to be true? Yet it is true, and you can enjoy these privileges and regain control of your nine lives! Keep reading about this amazing klubb and what it can do fur you!
Relaxation room. Lounge about in members-only environment where you can enjoy loud jukebox music, plentiful pizza, bountiful beer, and no gurlz!
Overnight accommodations. Sleep or watch television with no bossy females telling you to "make yourself useful."
Emergency transportation. Escape in a hurry or return home in a manner that makes sisfurs fuss over you, not at you.
Notify us and we will arrange your escape in a minivan such as no one would expect you to travel in.
Alternately, we can send you home in a fire truck. The drivers will tell your furmily or wink that you were delayed because you were rescuing a litter of kittens from a tree.
Forgotten event backup. Ever forget a purrday or wedwink anniversary? Fear no longer; winks, sisfurs, and Meowmies need nevfur be disappointed again. We have a selection of the finest gifts available 24/7 for you to pick up on your way home or to have sent wherevfur needed. Gift wrap available, too!
Alibis at the ready. Go where you wish while tomzrule® tells the gurlz what you want them to believe. Unique, patented, trademarked, copyrighted service! Available at tomzrule® only and worth the memfurship!
Your tomzrule® patented "alibi phone" allows you to program your favorite alibis. When your Significant Other dials your cellphone number, a somber masculine voice responds and mews your chosen alibi. After taking a message, tomzrule® signals you at the location where you really are.
Caturally, you can change your alibis whenevfur you wish. Preprogrammed alibis include:
- Depressed Kitty Hotline, Volunteers Office. Sorry, he's dealing with a suicidally depressed kitty at the moment.
- Sirprize Your Sweetie Gift Shoppe. Sorry he's with the gift jewelry engraver at the moment.
- Emergency V*t Hospital. He's still giving CPR to the aged cat he rescued from the fire at the feline retirement home; it could take all night.
Don't delay! Join today! Your happiness and the happiness of your winks, sisfurs, and Meowmie are too impurrtant to jeopardize by delay. Email Nosey Parker that you want to join the catnet's most exclusive klubb fur macho tomz: tomzrule®
Credits:
Bean bag chairs from Samz Royul Trift Shopp.
Transport vehicles and other graphics from The Mousepad.
Divider bars and buttons from Cat Stuff.
Copyright © 2001 by Will Gehrling. All rights reserved.
