[NOTE: There's no better place to look for a definition of "Chelm" than in the late Leo Rosten's incomparable The Joys of Yiddish: Chelm Pronounced KHELM, with the gutteral kh as in the Scottish loch. The name of a "legendary" town inhabited by befuddled, stupid, foolish, but endearing people. Chelm would enjoy no special name or fame ... were it not that in Jewish folklore it has become the archtypical home of simpletons, an incubator of amiable fools. Here is a sampling of the countless tales involving the "wisdom" of Chelm.]
Chelm Pronounced KHELM, with the gutteral kh as in the Scottish loch. The name of a "legendary" town inhabited by befuddled, stupid, foolish, but endearing people. Chelm would enjoy no special name or fame ... were it not that in Jewish folklore it has become the archtypical home of simpletons, an incubator of amiable fools.
The name of a "legendary" town inhabited by befuddled, stupid, foolish, but endearing people. Chelm would enjoy no special name or fame ... were it not that in Jewish folklore it has become the archtypical home of simpletons, an incubator of amiable fools.
"But if a storekeeper gives credit to the poor," his companion objected, "he could become poor himself."
"So fine!" said the first man. "Then he'll be able to buy on credit, too!"
THE CHELMITES BECAME INVOLVED in a passionate debate about which is more important, the sun or the moon. Unable to decide among themselves, they took the matter to Chelm's Chief Sage. "The moon, of course," ruled the Chief Sage. "Without the light of the moon our nights would be so dark we couldn't see anything. But the sun, the sun shines only by day, when there's no need for it at all."
THE MAYOR OF CHELM visited the prison where one by one the inmates insisted that they were innocent. At last he met one inmate who admitted he was guilty of the crime for which he charged. The mayor held a council of the town's wise men and recommended that Chelm have two prisons. A prison for the guilty and another for the innocent.
A YOUNG SCHOLAR OF CHELM, innocent in the ways of earthly matters, was stunned one morning when his wife gave birth. Quickly he ran to the rabbi.
"Rabbi," he blurted out, "Please explain this to me! My wife has just given birth although we've only been married three months! Everybody knows it takes nine months for a baby to be born! How can this be?"
The rabbi, renowned as Chelm's outstanding sage, thought a moment the said, "You don't seem to have any idea about these matters or know how to make simple calculations. I ask you: have you lived with your wife three months?"
"Yes."
"Has she lived with you three months?"
"Together -- have you lived three months?"
"What's the total then -- three months plus three months plus three?"
"Nine months, Rabbi!"
"Then why do you bother me with such foolish questions!"
A SAGE WAS EXAMINING a horse in the marketplace. "This is a wonderful horse!" the horse-dealer exclaimed. "He gallops like the wind! With him, if you leave Chelm at three in the morning you'd get to Lublin at six!"
The sage shook his head doubtfully. "What on earth would I do in Lublin so early in the morning?"
THE PEOPLE OF CHELM were worriers. So they called a meeting to do somethng about the problem of worry. A motion was made and seconded to retain Yossel, the cobbler, to do all the town's worrying and that his fee be one ruble per week.
Just as the motion was about to carry, one sage raised the question, "If Yossel earned a ruble a week, what would he have to worry about?"
TWO SAGES OF CHELM were involved in a deep philosophical argument.
"You think you're so wise," one said sarcastically, "answer this. Why is it that when a slice of buttered bread falls to the ground, it's bound to fall on the buttered side?"
The other sage, being a bit of a scientist, decided to try an experiment. He buttered a slice of bread and then dropped it. "There, look!" he cried. "The bread didn't fall on its buttered side. What about your theory now?"
"Ha!" the other laughed derisively. "You think you're so smart! You buttered the bread on the wrong side!"
A GREAT CALAMITY befell Chelm. The cobbler murdered one of his customers. He was brought before the judge and sentenced to hang.
When the verdict was given, one of the townspeople stood and cried out, "If Your Honor pleases -- you've sentenced our cobbler! He's the only one we have. If he dies, who will mend our shoes"?
The judge reconsidered his verdict. "It would be a great wrong against the community to let our only cobbler die. As there are two roofers in the the town, let one of them be hanged instead."
THE CITIZENS OF CHELM MET IN COUNCIL and decided that, since their town was so renowned for its wisdom, it should have a Chief Sage. One was elected, but no one paid him any attention when he was on the street because he looked like the ordinary citizens of Chelm.
So they bought him a pair of golden shoes. "Now everybody will know that he is the Chief Sage," they said.
The first day the Chief Sage wore his golden shoes, the streets were muddy. Right away the mud covered the shoes and no one could see they were golden. No one knew he was the Chief Sage, and no attention was paid him.
This angered the Chief Sage who went to the Council of Sages and threatened, "If I don't get some respect quickly, I'll resign!"
"You're right!" the Council agreed. "We must protect the dignity of our Chief Sage." So they ordered him a pair of fine leather shoes to wear over the golden shoes.
True enough the leather shoes protected the golden shoes from the mud, but no one could see the golden shoes. How would they recognize the Chief Sage? So the Council of Sages held a meeting to settle the matter once and for all. It was a long meeting, and feelings ran high, but at last they had a solution.
"Henceforth," they told the Chief Sage, "when you walk on the street, you will wear your leather shoes, but, so that everyone will know you are the Chief Sage, you will wear the golden shoes one on each hand!"